Anonymous asked: I was just wondering what you think about love at first sight? Do you think it’s overdone or non realistic? I have a couple in my book who I know are going to end up together no matter what and I don’t really want to add a bunch of random conflict in their relationship just to drag out the inevitable.
“Love at first sight” is not a real thing, because you can’t fall instantly in love with someone. However, you can become attracted to someone in less than a second. So, very often when we talk about “love at first sight” what we’re really talking about is “physical attraction at first sight.”
A romantic relationship goes through several stages:
1) Attraction and Infatuation – this is the “love” at first sight stage, where they become physically attracted to the person and can’t stop thinking about them. This is the time when they contrive reasons to see them and even go out of their way to make that happen. (See: Subtle Signs of Love)
2) Learning and Bonding – this is after a mutual connection is made and they are getting to know one another. This is when questions are asked and things are shared, and when mutual interests are discovered. Often this is the stage when first dates occur, and more learning and bonding occurs in the early stages of dating. (See: Getting to Know Your Neighbor, Sexual Tension, and Writing Romance without Experience)
3) Questioning and Fighting – this is after the pair can be considered a “couple” and, as they grow more serious, they begin to question whether or not they are ready for this growing commitment. They may also begin to question each other’s loyalty and each other’s long term intentions.
4) Expectations and Shaping – by this point the couple is in it for the long haul, and at this stage they are forming and challenging their expectations of one another and learning who they are as a couple.
5) Trust and Commitment – a couple that makes it to this stage is likely to be together for the rest of their lives. They have each other’s full loyalty and trust and are 100% committed to the relationship and to each other.
The amount of time a couple spends in any given stage varies from couple-to-couple and situation-to-situation, and some couples alternate between stages three and four for many years before moving on to stage five if they ever do at all.
What’s the fastest you could get to stage five? It really depends on the circumstances of a relationship. If the couple met and bonded on a harrowing six week journey where they spent every second together, they could conceivably be pretty well bonded by the end of that period. But even a relationship like that is dependent upon what happens at the end of those six weeks. If it’s back to “the real world,” the couple will have a whole new set of challenges as they try to adjust their relationship to different circumstances. One thing that’s for sure, however, is you’re not going to get to stage five after a few months of dating in high school, and that’s a mistake a lot of writers make, unfortunately. So bear that in mind as you write your characters’ romantic relationships. 🙂
Writing couples is both enchanting and exhausting. How do you make people ship your couple? How do you make them an OTP? How do you make your couple matter to the story? Or matter at all? To answer all these questions, I’ll explain three major must-have characteristics for couples:
1. Realism
Falling in love is a slow process. It’s different from person to person. People are flawed. Relationships are flawed. People make mistakes. People fear rejection. Not everyone will find their soulmate exactly when they need most. People show love in different ways. People are not flirty all the time. Realism is important. Development is essential.
When writing a couple, visualize yourself as one of the characters (or
both). Imagine their love story as if it was happening to you in real
life. See how different it goes? Maybe not as fast and a thousand times
clumsier, but also charming and interesting.
Example of strong realism: Carl and Ellie (UP), they take a lifetime to mature their love and mutual respect. Neither are perfect. The relationship goes through bad times, but their love only grows.
Example of weak realism: Caine and Jupiter (Jupiter Ascending), they fall in love in two or three days, not enough scenes are dedicated to developing the relationship. In the end, it feels strange.
2. Balance
Give your couple opposite but complementary features. This is basically the Yin-yang symbolism that a lot of stories shows. If one character is all love-and-peaceful, maybe the other is a furnace of anger. If one traveled the whole world, maybe the other never left their village. If one is a millionaire, maybe the other is homeless. If one is short with dark hair, maybe the other is tall with light hair. However, no matter how opposite they are, always keep the balance. One shouldn’t overshadow the other. They must shine together, but also as individuals.
Example of strong balance: Fix-it Felix Jr. and Sargent Calhoun (Wreck-It Ralph), they belong to different worlds, they would probably never meet. He is a sweet pie that always tries his best, a peacemaker. She is, on the other hand, an explosion, a warrior. They are both relevant in achieving victory. Also, both are the heroes of their own games.
Example of weak balance:
Sasuke and Sakura (Naruto), he is way more powerful than her, he doesn’t respect her as a ninja, he doesn’t like working with her. He tried killing her more than once and was never sorry about that. She accepts being overshadowed. She lacks character development compared to Sasuke. There is no opposite-complementary features tying them. It’s unbalanced.
3. Synergy
Make them work together. Make them accomplish common goals. Make them a power duo. Make them laugh of the same jokes. Make it easy and natural for them to be together, talking, sharing and having a good time. Make their conversations flow. Make it easy to touch, and stare, and embrace, and kiss. Make their mind and body work together.
Example of strong synergy: Cat Noir and Ladybug/Adrien and Marinette
(Miraculous Ladybug), they are the heroes of Paris. No, they are partners in saving the world. It doesn’t feel uncomfortable when they interact, fight and save each other. It feels right. It feels natural. You crave for interactions.
Example of weak synergy: Kim Tan and Eun-Sang (The Heirs), they are the type of couple that are always fighting, but sometimes indulge in a passionate kiss. However, there’s no synergy between these characters. They are never on the same page. They are never partners. The magic of their relationship never sparkles. Even their kisses are uncomfortable to watch.
Now, think of your favorite couples (even non-canon ones) and try spotting the realism, the balance and the synergy in them. If you ship it,I’m pretty sure it’s there.
Try applying these characteristics to your next writing.
Inspiration Haven 